The making of a pianist III - change of piano teacher

Having learnt piano from Ms. Alice for 2 years, Zhuzhu and I have adapted to her teaching style and language (music jargons) pretty well, which had encouraged me to enroll Niuniu to her class early this summer.  Although Niuniu told me that he really wanted to play guitar and his amateur guitar player father had also gone all over town to buy him one of those fancy instrument, I tactfully convinced him to give piano a try before he moved on to his beloved guitar.  "You can always learn to play guitar later when you get older." I said and left it at that.

No no, I did that not because I was a tiger Mom who makes decision based on my own convenience, but more importantly because I noted that Niuniu had shown stronger inclination for piano than his sister as evidenced by the fact that it was he, instead of she, that sat at the piano bench at HER lessons in those earlier days.  He was only 1 year and 2 months old then.  He repeated that again 2 years later at her first audition!!!

Either he developed some fears of piano because of those struggles between his sister and me over the years, or he likes guitar more because he assumed that his daddy would take him to his lessons...as I said before, my kids love their daddy much more than they love me!

Regardless, I am the driver so I trusted the mother's instinct.

I had chosen this summer to start his piano lessons as I knew that Ms. Alice likes to start new students during the summer semester as it usually has fewer students take summer classes.

On the way to his first lesson, I used our driving time to get Niuniu a head start.

"Niuniu, are you excited or nervous to start your new lesson today?"

"I don't even like piano.  I like guitar."

"But daddy could not find a guitar teacher for you.  Why do you start with piano first and see whether you like it or not."

"Ok."

He fell in silence and I left him alone to get himself prepared.

Few minutes later, we arrived Ms. Alice's new studio.  There we were, the 3 of us, Zhuzhu, Niuniu, and I, sitting in front of Ms. Alice's grand steinway.  His first lesson started in more or less the same as the one that Zhuzhu had experienced 2 years ago, except that he was clearly more knowledgeable about the instrument.

His first lesson lasted about 25 minutes and the teacher was quite happy about his willingness to follow directions and commented at end of it, "He was very corporative."

The next few lessons he continued to show his willingness to follow the teacher's instructions.  He was focused and progressed so well that he kept receiving complements.  Such positive feedback reminded me of the happy times when Zhuzhu started her piano learning 2 years ago.

Just like everything else in life, good things can rarely last for long.

Right before Niuniu completed his first 2 variations of Twinkle and Zhuzhu finished her first song in Suziki Book II, we had to stop their summer lessons.

We are heading back to China for a 3 week vacation.

What's worse was that those summer lessons are the last ones that we have had with Ms. Alice:

"I have decided to leave (the city) next month.  It came very sudden.  I wouldn't have moved the studio location at all if had I known even a month earlier."

That reminded me the day when her precious grand steinway was moved out of the old studio into a big U-Hall truck, we happened passing by.  Strangely seeing the move triggered a bit of sadness, but that was nothing compared to what I am about to tell you.

"Some of you may have already known that I've been considering returning to college piano and music teaching in the last 2 years." She continued.  

No, I had not seen this coming at all!  

Alright, if I think about it for a second, I should NOT have found the news totally unexpected:

- Teaching college musicians was her previous job;
- She is a great soloist who has to go around the world to perform;
- She holds a Ph.D. and published a book about Music;
- Her solo recital video has still not been taken out of the University website after years of her resignation;
- She is one of the Steinway artists.
...
...

I sort of knew that we were too lucky to have a piano teacher of her caliber, but never prepared to lose her anytime soon.  It's embarrassing to admit that I am still guided by the Pleasure Principle at age of 52!

Her email was long and apologetic.  But I was so sad that I had not left where I was.  Instead of reading the email from my real computer, I was sitting on the stairs with my little smart phone, typing, erasing, typing more, erasing more, and repeating the whole process until I finally came up with the following:

"This is sad and happy news all in the same time.  It's great to teach in college but on the other hand, working with kids can be quite rewarding.  I can see your dilemma.  We are so lucky to have you for the last 2 years and I am also very glad that we at least had some summer lessons - got the most out of you, so to speak.  As a teacher myself, I know good teachers don't come around very often and we sure will miss you.  Please don't hesitate to recommend a good teacher to Zhuzhu and Niuniu as they are in need to be in good hands like yours."

Clearly I was trying desperately to minimize the negative impact on the kids.  I was trying to move on and wishing for her changing her minds, all in the same time.

Our soon to be ex-piano teacher immediately followed up by asking the type of teacher I would like to have for the kids.

"... I believe a bit tough teacher who has clear demands and goals like you should be a good fit for them."  I replied instantly.  

"Tough" would not be the words that I use to describe her.  Her strictness, which reflected only by the facts that she articulates clearly her demands and that she does not praise her students when they had not met her demands, led most of her students and parents to call her that.  She actually is not nearly as tough as any of the teachers with whom I grew up in China 40 years ago!  She is much gentler, sweeter, and more patient than those true tigers in my life!

The next 4 weeks after our email exchanges, I immersed myself to the new full time job - a "Travel Guide" and a mother of 2 super energetic kids, during which I almost completely forgot about piano.  When we finally got back to the state, the Fall semester started already.  Poor Niuniu did not even get the chance to his kindergartens' orientation!

On the ride to school, I customarily popped the Suzuki Piano book II CD to the car player, Zhuzhu sighed:  "I am so sad that Ms. Alice is not my teacher anymore.  I'd only just started to understand her."  Niuniu then followed, "Yea, I liked Ms. Alice too.  She is very patient."

Their conversations made me realized that I had not found them a Ms. Alice's replacement yet!

Now what was the teacher that Ms. Alice recommended to us again?
Why has not she sent me the teacher's contact info?
Did she forget about us?
Of course, she could not remember us - she was heavily pregnant before we left her early this summer; she needed to arrange moving company in the hot summer; she also needed to teach few summer students...

But she can't be forgetting us.

She is the most caring and responsible teacher in the whole wide world that I've known;

She loves Zhuzhu and Niuniu as much as she loves her own child;

and She would not have sent them to any other teachers that she does not personally trust...

Few cycles of these thoughts later, I concluded that she must have done something for us but somehow we messed it up.  In this case, I was too shameful to contact Ms. Alice directly.  So as soon as I had arrived the office, I frantically looked for Ms. Alice's email.  I found her emails but they have NO NEW TEACHER'S INFORMATION!

Then I called few mothers whose children were also Ms. Alice's students, they told me that their kids had already started their fall lessons with their "matched" new piano teachers and yes, from what they told me, Ms. Alice has already "dispatched" all her students to different new teachers in town.  She did so very carefully, because she matched the age, level of their skills, and even personalities.

But why couldn't I find our new teacher?

Out of desperation, I called a mother who had left Ms. Alice for another teacher one semester ago expecting that teacher to accept Zhuzhu and Niuniu - one should always have a backup plan, right?!

"Wait a minute, haven't you enrolled your kids with Ms. Elena yet?"  She asked.

"What, who is Ms. Elena?"  Her question lost me.

"Isn't she the teacher that Ms. Alice recommended to your kids?"  She questioned again.

"How come you knew our kids teacher yet I don't?"  I had a hope!

"Oh, Willie's Mom told me that Ms. Alice recommended the same teacher to Willie and your kids." She explained.  "Because she saw you as one of the three recipients in the same email that Ms. Alice sent to her."  She added.

Wait, who the hell was Willie?  Has he been in the same planet as Zhuzhu during the last few semesters?

She must have read my mind, because what she told me next was, "Oh, I guess you don't know Willie.  He is our neighbor.  He is like your son only had few lessons with Ms. Alice this summer, but his older son has studied piano with Ms. Alice for years."

What she said finally made some sense to me, except I still did not know Willie, nor his Mom, even though the Mom and I might have had attended several recitals, studio classes together.

"When that email was sent out, do you know?"  I tried to get as much information as possible from her.

In my defense, I was in China with only a cell phone most of the times in the last month.

"Quite a while ago" was as close as what she could offer and then she commented, "I thought you must have contacted Ms. Elena long ago because I was told that her lessons were very difficult to get in."

That, my friends, almost sent me into a heart attack!

I eventually reread all the emails from Ms. Alice from the computer in my office.  With the help of a huge screen, I finally discovered the new teacher's contact information at the END of one email that our beloved Ms. Alice sent to me and 2 other mothers on July 13, exactly the same day at which we were flying from Shanghai to Nanning!

And the same email was cc'ed to Ms. Elena!  So I did have her contact info!  Boy oh boy!

What's killed me was the email immediately following this one.

Because this second email was from Ms. Alice to me, specially and alone, in which she generously praised Zhuzhu, Niuniu, even me and urged us to get in contact Ms. Elena ASAP.  She ends the email by, "Honestly I was really afraid that she would not have any opening(s), because if she didn't, I wouldn't know where else to refer Mia and Remy to!  Not many teachers are trained in Suzuki, you know, and to find a Suzuki/traditional combined teacher is even harder."

How in the world that I have missed such important message, am I really qualified to be a tiger mother?!

Needless to say, I did not waste another second to come up with the most sincere begging letter to Ms. Elena.  Exactly 27 minutes later, I received her response and she offered us an audition next afternoon!

The rest is just happily ever after for all of us.

------------------------

Now you must have noticed that I am posting this on the Thanksgiving Day.  Words are inadequate to express my gratitude to Ms. Alice for her enlightening our kids about music and for her finding us Ms. Elena! 

Happy mother's day!

It's the 7th mother's day for me.

This time, it's a bit unusual, because it seems that everyone wants me to care more about my special day.

Come on, let's face it, I was born and raised in a country where everyone loves and respects mothers naturally, every single day and every single minute.  We Chinese simply don't need a special day to remember our moms.  I, for one, have never truly cared about this holiday.   

However, this mother's day is a bit special to me.  

It starts from my own kids. 

Last Thursday evening, I saw a big and long poster lying on the top of Zhuzhu's school bag, without giving it any thoughts, I picked it up just like I was picking up her regular junks that she sometimes leaves outside of her bag.  Then I waited for her at the play yard.  After a while, she appeared from another building, as soon as she spotted the poster in my hands, her face changed color, "Did you read the poster?!  You are not supposed to read it and you are not allowed to read it until Sunday!"  She was panicked and clearly assumed that I had read it.  "No, no, I was not even sure whether it's yours or not, I was going to ask you about it first."  I answered honestly and immediately said, "Let's better be hurry, the show is starting now.  Daddy and Niuniu are already there waiting for us."  I rushed her and also tried to get her mind off the poster.  

True.  I was in a hurry to get her to the show, a show to which she has been looking forward.  It is "Charlotte's web", she read the story and would love to see the performance about it by the middle schoolers of her own school!  Thus, it was not too hard to get her forget about her poster for a little bit.  

Then, it's came Saturday morning and as usual, we parents stay in bed late.  When I finally left the bed, I found the kids sat in front of the TV with their weekly dose of PBS on the couch.  After giving them each of my usual round of morning kisses, I snuggled with Niuniu as he is always warn and snuggly.  

"Mommy, I cannot give you anything for the mother's day."  Niuniu said to me sweetly.  Is that the first thing stuck in his little mind?  It's only Saturday, I thought, why he was already worried about this?  "It's not mother's day yet, you still have some time to think about something."  I tried to comfort him.  "No, no, I cannot."  Niuniu insisted, but seeing my not getting what he was trying to say, he added, "It should be a surprise, I cannot make you a surprise on a nonSchool day!"  He was almost in tears!

My poor baby, he was so sad for not being able to please me, I was simply speechless.  While trying to come up with some smart things to say to him, I heard this, 

"Breakfast time!"

Fabrice timely called us from the kitchen so we left our conversation at that.  

Then we saw a plate of heart-shaped pancakes on the table waiting for us.  "Happy mother's day!"  I said to myself.  

"Not yet, but do you want your gift earlier?"  Zhuzhu asked, she clearly could not wait to present me her gift.  

"No, no, I prefer to wait until the actual day."  I said, attentively, as I would not want to break Niuniu's heart knowing he might need the remaining time to come up with something for his mommy. 

Fast forward to the dinner time, Zhuzhu and Niuniu were kept speaking secretly to each others in their playroom, which is close to the kitchen where I was tidying up, I kept hearing "Don't tell mommy" from them.  Acting naughtily, I said loudly, "Hey guys, I am right here, you think that I cannot hear you?!"  They ignored me and continued to focus on whatever they were doing.  

"Dinner time!"  Fabrice was calling us again and then we all went out for a dinner.  This time, he made few heart shaped burgers!  

"Happy mother's day to me!"  I exclaimed again.  

The kids immediately giggled, maybe because they were thinking about the project that they were working on a minute ago.  After dinner, they stayed outside playing soccer with Fabrice, while I was loading the dishes to the washer.  Soon Zhuzhu and Niuniu brought in the house a big box and sat on the floor to start cutting it into pieces.  "I'll go to get a pair of bigger scissors?"  Seeing the tiny scissors in Zhuzhu's hands won't go fast enough, Niuniu tried to offer his help, but Zhuzhu screamed several "Nos" at him.  Finally after few attempts, he gave up contributing and went back outside to kick his soccer ball with daddy leaving the bigger pair of scissors on the floor.

As soon as he left, Zhuzhu switched to the bigger pair of scissors, yet they are the "fancy" kind that can easily be separated into 2 parts and needed to be put back together almost every time she used it.

"May I help you?"  I asked after seeing her struggling with them for a long while.  At that time, I finished my dish loading and began to worry about her little hands getting hurt by those thick cardboards and scissors, "No, you are not allowed to look."  She said.  I could only go out to replace Fabrice to entertain Niuniu so that he could go in the house to help Zhuzhu with her secret mother's day project.

Finally, it's time for bed and while I was sending the kids to bed, I said, "You guys'd better go to sleep early because I would need to sleep early as well so that I can get up early in the morning."  "Why?"  Zhuzhu asked, "Because I need yo give your daddy a haircut."  I told her.

"But tomorrow is mother's day, you don't have to work!"  Zhuzhu emphasized, passionately.

Wow, is there any better gift than that?!

Even I, as someone who grew up without knowing the existence of the mother's day and had never really gotten into the spirit of this holiday, is now completely anxious to see what my kids have prepared for me.

They clearly are affectionate about it.
...
...
...

Until then, let me borrow few of our Zhuzhu's recent art work* to wish you all a happy mother's day!

- top left, "Angry mother"
- top right, "Random beauty"
- bottom left, "The Spring"
- bottom right, "A helpful robot".

Impressive, isn't it?

* Zhuzhu is already a better artist than the both of her parents, particularly better than me, although that was not too hard as I am defective as far as art goes.  I must say though even without artistic eyes, I am already getting a lot of visual pleasure looking at those pieces.  I am truly amazed by the fact that she is able to express herself with drawings and colors at ease.  Her art teacher said to me that she loves the "random beauty" the best, but I have to admit that I love every single piece of art work that she brought home ever since she was 2 - a mother's objectivity.  So, do you want to see what she is giving me tomorrow, let me know so that I can post it here.

Let's go skiing!

Alright, I know ski season is out for this year, but the following post took me a whole two month from the start to a working progress - yes, I do come back to edit my published posts often.  They are never good enough, you see. 
______________
I was born a learner, as if I have not emphasized enough here already.  I mean I can acquire knowledge and skills pretty fast, especially when I have someone to show me how.  Unfortunately, I was born in China 50 years ago, at a time when our parents could hardly satisfy the fast growing physical body of their children with sufficient food, let alone meet the rapid developing innate curiosity of them with special provisional tools!  As a little girl, I had to teach myself how to dance, play Chinese violin (Er Hu 二胡), blow bamboo flute (Di Zi and Xiao), fondle ancient form of piano (Jiao ta qin, 脚踏琴), even sing Beijing opera.  I didn't want "missing out".  As you can imagine, my talent could only take me far enough to become an amateur for just about everything I tried to be.

I have suffered from under-developed syndrome (UDS).  What, you have not heard of UDS before?  I am not surprised because I've just coined it to describe us new Chinese immigrants.  Look around you, whenever you meet Chinese, ask them why they want to come to America?  I bet the answer is all the same: we did not have the opportunity to fully develop ourselves in China.

True, we Chinese come here to fulfill our childhood dreams, to explore, and to get ahead.

Believe or not, we Chinese and Americans even share the same dreams: we are all competitive and happy to get ahead.  But we are told to be modest by our Chinese parents and teachers - we can be bunch of tigers who sleep with an eye open and then eat you alive when your guard is down, ha ha ha -  joke aside, the truth is we grew up being taught that famous singers, movie stars, and athletes were not real people, they were icons who were born this way, which discouraged us to even try to become one of them early on.

Then I got lucky.  I came to the U.S. to make myself a perfect educator.  I have enjoyed having the land of opportunity so far and most importantly, I have learnt a saying "practice makes it perfect", which has shaken my self-image and the figure of my childhood heroes profoundly.  I now believe that I can learn just about anything and everything, even the seemingly impossible ski, without much of talent.  All I need is to keep on practicing.  So, when the first opportunity came along, I jumped into it.

In 2002, I was sent to a Keystone meeting.  Such meetings usually start at 7:30 am, stop at 9:30 am, then resume at 4 pm, and end at 9 pm each day for about a week long - totally are designed for ski lovers - that, my friend, provided me a golden opportunity to learn how to ski.

For about $100, I bought my first and only ski lesson pass on the first day of the meeting.  It went extremely well considering that my legs were still functioning after the lesson, which encouraged me to continue renting the ski boots and skis to get on the slope the next day and the day after.  After a few days of practice on my own, I learned how to turn, stop, and go downhill in a reasonable speed.

I was so excited that I could not wait to report to Fabrice on the phone to make him jealous of me for having fun outside the slave shop in which we were both working.  I totally bragged about my progress to trick him into believing that I had mastered those skills necessary to go ski with him - he'd started his first ski trip on the Alps as a teenager and not been too enthusiastic to take me to ski with him just yet.

And he ignored what I was reporting as he knew better me than himself, "Bend your knee, pressing the front of the boot so that you can put your body weight on the shin.  Face downhill, lean forward, put your skis parallel to each others..."  Fabrice was giving me instructions constantly over a cell phone that dropped signals frequently on the mountain.

I tried to transform his instructions into my actions except the "face downhill" - I rather skid with eyes closed!

He then sensed that I was unable to faithfully follow his instructions delivered in a cell phone.  On the 4th day, he joined me on the ski slope.  He had just stolen me from John at the time thus was quite eager to show me that he was worth of my love.  The price of a last minute plane ticket served the purpose just about right.  

When he found me on a slope where I had my ski lessons struggling with my turns and stops, he laughed his ass off.

"What, you spent all these days "skiing" on a bunny hill?!"  He made fun of me when he was catching his breath.

"Why not?  Look what I can do now?"  I was proudly showing him my beautiful "narrow" stance on the skis, I could feel that my feet in the boots directing where I was going, I could glide in a wedge by tilting my skis, I could easily stop with a wedge, I could even do the zig-zag... while I was showing off my newly acquired techniques, I heard,

"You are not skiing." he commented, "Let's go to the top of the mountain."

Completely ignored my fears, he went ahead to get us two lift tickets.  The whole time sitting beside Fabrice on a ski lift chair, I cursed to make sure that that man knew with whom he was dealing.  "I am afraid of heights and I cannot get up there!"  I screamed.  "Close your eyes, then."  He answered and then put down the metal bar in front of me to fool me into having some kind of protection.  In fact, I even need extra oxygen than many normal people to feel alive because I was anemic as a child and have grown to be extremely sensitive to high altitude where oxygen is scarce as an adult .  "I feel dizzy.  I have a severe motion sickness, you know?!"  He did not show me any sympathy at all at that time, maybe because he had never met anyone with this condition so severely - he then learned the lesson two years following our first ski trip in Hawaii watching me dying on the deck of our whale watching/snorkel ship later in 2004 during our honeymoon.

His confidence and easiness of sitting on the chair did calm me down a bit.  Seeing me quiet down, he started to go over the techniques to prepare me properly so that I could get off the lift.  I listened to him very carefully like a nervous school girl.  At the end of our ride, I did exactly as I was told: pointed the front end of the skis to the sky, let the snow/icy ground to touch the back end of the skis, which naturally put me standing straight on the skis.  A victory!  I was proud.

"Now follow me."  As soon as he got our boots tightened, he commanded, before I could properly respond, he skied down, way down.

If you skied once or twice in your life, you know that everyone is usually trying his/her best to get out of other skiers' way, particularly at the end of a lift.  I, like many beginners on their first try, could not abide by this common law.  I was busy to keep my balance in the mean time and to call the man, expecting him to walk back up to me.

What I did not know was that the area at very the top of the mountain is usually shared by skiers of all levels, thus, it is not too steep.  Fabrice failed to explain this simple fact to me, which resulted in his standing at the bottom of the slope, turning into a popsicle!  Had suspected my intention of staying at the top of the mountain for the rest of my life, he started to dance on his skis (yes, one can do that!) to seduce me to move on.  I watched him dance and felt tons of skiers flying by me, one after another, for a long while... Eventually, I had gathered all my courage, positioned my skis to form a upside down V, and skied straight down toward Fabrice.

As soon as I reached his location, he skied away from me.  What the hell, I was going to take a break!  "Stop, I could not move my legs!"  I yelled to the back of the man, but he was gone.  He could not hear me anymore.  Boy, this teacher of mine was pushy.  When I caught him again, he said seriously, "You have to move fast here.  It's too cold and you could catch cold."

Too cold, I was sweating, but why his lips were turning grey and body was shivering?!

What I did not know at that time also was that a green trail from the top of a mountain is usually the longest run because it surrounds those steeper and shorter blue and black runs.  "If we keep on stopping, we would need a whole day to finish a run!"  He said and asked me to ski on the long, narrow, and curvy tracks behind him.  What he did not know was that I needed a lot of energy to balance myself on those slippery skis and had no confidence nor ability to follow his marks precisely.  Plus, it was the first time in real life that I had someone "belonging to me" who could ski so effortlessly.  I was charmed by his elegant ski posture.  I was lost in awe watching his "performance" ahead...

... "So, move!"  He would command annoyingly.  But when he was not looking, I would just skip the curves to avoid being left too far behind, and try to ignore his urges on bending my knees, FACING DOWN HILL - I constantly leaned backward, as directed by my instincts.  When he told me to make turns with the leading ski tip pointing downhill, I would point it to the side to turn my body with my butt... Eventually though, he understood to give the old dog more time to learn new skills, so he went ahead to ski away from me at those divergent runs and then met me at the next convergent points to show me few more tricks.  Often he would find me on the same spot of the slope at this next run.  Whenever he skied close to me, he would slow down to demonstrate how to easily zig zag to get downhill.  This technique could change a steep run into a green slope.  He would also show me how to shift body weight from the center to one leg so that the other leg could move the ski close and parallel to the weight bearing one.  Finally, he tirelessly emphasized not to face sideways, even though when I was skiing in a zig zag pattern.  "Look downhill and face the bottom of the slope." he says this each and every time I am starting my runs!

(In a retrospect, I now cannot understand why I needed any of those breaks in the middle of a green run.)

After few green runs, Fabrice optimistically took me to blue slopes.  "You can ski anywhere since you can make turns and stops now."  Seeing me still in doubt, he insisted, "You have to have some speed to turn.  Green slopes do not help you with that."  He was trying to get me out of my comfort zone.  

Having witnessed how natural and easy that he conquered those scary snow bumps, I became a bit confident myself.  So, I sucked it up.

Guess what happened next?

I completely lost control.  The blue trails were much narrower than those green ones and the skis just took my body straight down.  "Control your speed, slow down, make a turn, turn, turn now.  No no no, don't go toward the tree, not the tree..."  Fabrice was shouting beside and then behind me, bang!!!  I fell right onto a tree.  

It did not take long for me to remove my skis.  Down I walked in my boots!  

Then I spent the rest of my first blue run watching Fabrice who disappeared into and then reappeared out of woods.  He loves to get in between trees himself, but tells others not to do the same, what kind of example that he gives to his students!  

With the help of my personal coach and continued practice, my ski skill has improved over the years, but not at the same level as his though - we late starters can never catch up with those early ones, but as my skill improves, he now at least is willing to take me with him everywhere on high mountains.  We now often take lifts together up to the top and ski a few easy runs together at beginning of each day and then we move on to our separate lives - he challenges himself with black diamond and bumpy slopes whereas I enjoy myself on blue/red even green zones.  We meet at our common zones for lunch and at the end of the day.  It is in this manner that he and I have explored the following ski resorts so far:

Whistler (Fabrice went by himself because my visa to Canada did not arrive on time!)

Jackson hole

Brehenridge

Park City

Snowbird 

Snowmass

Keystone

Alta

Grand Targhee

Copper Mountain

Taos (Fabrice went alone)

Silverton (Fabrice went alone)

Davos (Fabrice went alone)

Les Duex Alps

Santa Fe (I went alone)

Sunlight

Ober Galinburg

Shawnee
... (I know that I have left out of a few hard-to-access but great resorts in both Utah and CO - couldn't remember their names.)

Here is how I skied in March 2005 (I now ski way faster and more elegant than then.  But I have nothing to show you here because my movie maker now gets his hands full with his new students.  Our 6 year old Zhuzhu and 4 year old Niuniu are catching up their Mommy in a light speed!  Since you have read this far, you are rewarded for your patience with a family ski video that I took in the end of this post).

But I must admit that it has become unaffordable for our expanding family of 4 to ski everywhere in the world now.  So, we are practically Colorado residents.  We have been to Denver airport so often that the kids truly believe that Santa lives in Colorado instead of the North Pole!

This is a long introduction to tell you stories of our trip to CO in the week of Zhuzhu's Spring Break.  We stayed in a "historical" town Carbondale, skied on the Snowmass in the day, and soaked ourselves in the Glenwood hot springs in the night.  The trip was sensational and the scenery of the alpine mountains was breathtaking (okay, it is not the Alps, but still!), which reminded me some of those sweet moments that Fabrice and I shared years ago*.  We had so much fun together as a family.  I am afraid now that this first official spring break has raised the bar for their future ones!  Zhuzhu has already become a skillful skier.  She ditched her little brother in the last 2 days to follow her amateur mommy everywhere in high mountains.  Niuniu is still at his weaning days with the daddy, although I must say that the boy learns so fast that I can see that his day of surpassing his sister is now countable with fingers.  Look what he can do already now!
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* Fabrice and I both skied in Snowmass mountain in 2004 at our annual conference.  That was a highly productive meeting both professionally and personally.  We both received some prestigious awards in our fields and few job interview invitations.  We both also took home an Alpine ski racing trophies.  Ironically, he and I both won the third place.  How did I pull that off, you say?  If I tell you, you must die.  Nay, the truth is that there were exactly a total of 3 women participated in the "intermediate woman skiers" race.  But hey a trophy is a trophy!  In this male-dominated scientific community, Fabrice competed with a bunch of young Europeans and he mistakenly identified himself as "advanced skier" thus...the well-deserved third place!!!

Discovery of manhood

Today at bath time, I noticed that our 3 yr old son Niuniu was scratching/playing with his private part.  Concerned about his spreading bumps (molluscum contagiosum) from his upper tight to his genital area, I asked what did he have down there. He answered with his signature mischievous smile, "I have a ball in my Zizi" (penis in French).  His tone was playful and even a bit of proud.  Niuniu cannot speak as clearly as his sister, worst of all, he has this thick Southern accent that often confuses me.  I was so convinced that these bumps of molluscum contagiosum have developed so big that he thought they were little balls.  "Oh no, can I see what does it look like?" I requested with such obvious worries.  "Yea," he answered dutifully, "it moves!" he added.  From his curious/trying-to-understand look, I suddenly realized that our little man was fiddling his balls, those moving testicles, inside!  So, I told him to go and tell his daddy what he found down there.  He went and proudly announced, "Daddy, I have a ball in my Zizi!"

What a discovery of his manhood!

The birds and the bees.

When I was little, I liked to find out how I was made and where I was from. I kept asking Mom how I got to this world yet I'd never gotten a consistent answer. Some times I was popped out from the trunk of an old tree, other times I was left outside of the front door, yet another times I was given to her by a stranger on the street... I was quite skeptical and always curious about my origin. 

  

I stopped asking this question sometime around 8 yo. Because I had gotten an answer!

At that time, our family moved from the city Nanning to Gongcheng, a small county close to Guilin. Our life style changed drastically. One of the many changes was the way we got water. In the city, water came out of faucets constantly and seemly endless, as long as faucets were turned on. In the countryside, however, water was carried home with barrels by grownups from a very deep well far away. To save the water and labor, clothes were often washed either in a small ditch in the Spring when there were rains or in a river when rains were sparse. The river was far yet the small was just only half way to the river. Regardless, cloth-washing was a laborious task that could usually only be accomplished on sunny Sundays. Mom usually took my older brother Bing and I to the river in the Summer, she would stay ashore washing clothes while Bing and I dove in and out of the water to enjoy ourselves. One day, I thought about the same old question again and asked Mom. She stopped her work and looked far away upstream, then she pointed to a nest-like bundles of bushes floating downstream towards us and said with the most serious tone, "You see the nest? You came exactly like that. I found you crying inside the nest so I picked you up and took you home. That is why you were named after the river Xiang."

The answer was so convincing that I believed it for a long time - I mean that I believed that I was abandoned child by an unknown mother to the point even not suspected anything when I was told repeatedly that I looked exactly like Mom!

Little kids can be pretty dumb, you see. But in my defense, I was not that dumb because as a little kid, I watched a movie called "Liu Shan Jie", which was produced in 1961 and the main character Liu Zhan Jie was from a river! Not mentioning that she was also from the same hometown where I was brought up.  

Another drastic change in our life style after being sent to the countryside was that Mom and Dad were rarely home. They were often needed to help out peasants working on fields growing rice and other crops, especially in the Spring and the Fall - 2 busiest seasons for peasants. Bing and I were given tickets to buy food from the government owned/subsidized cafeteria and keys to our house to sleep at night. In the day time, we just went to school ourselves. Mom and Dad would come home from time to time to make sure that we were alive.

A chill run down your spine - I know - I grew up hell.  

One day when we were playing with other kids as usual, suddenly many grownups showed up. Some of them were carrying a stretcher and others were following the stretcher. We, the little ones, followed the stretcher, were cheering, shouting, guessing who was the one inside the stretcher. When we noticed the nervous and serious faces of those grownups, we sorted of slowed down a bit. At this time, one of the adults found me among those overly curious kids, he shouted out loud to me, "Your Mom is in danger. She is having a massive bleeding..." I felt my head was exploded, I could not hear the remaining things he said, I could hardly breath, then I bursted into a hysterical cry.

Mom is the one inside the stretcher. What is massive bleeding, is she dying? Mom was never been this sick before. What should I do now. I was terrified.

The remaining facts were fussy.

Later that day, Dad came home from the hospital. We (Bing and I) were told that Mom was okay. She had a Xiao Chan/小产/miscarriage, which was accompanied by severe hemorrhage.

Other grownups had blamed Mom for not telling them that she was pregnant. It was in the Spring of 1971. Growing rice at that time was a laborious work. It required people to transplant rice seedings (插秧) manually, which meant that Mom was standing bear-feet inside the cold (few degree above zero Celsius) and muddy fields, and in the mean time of constantly bending her body to insert rice seedings to the ground under the water. Mom should have never gone into the cold like that. Her body simply failed her.

Mom came home from the hospital few days later. She rested in bed to grow red blood cells and I was beside her bed whenever I came back home from school. I enjoyed very much to have her around then, since it was so rare to have Mom home with us. Dad was cooking for her, attentively. Mom possibly introduced me death at that time. She also told me that was not the first time that a baby died inside her. She said I would have had a little sister. I asked how old that my "non-exiting" sister would have been, she said "she" would have been just two year younger than I - now if I come to think of it, she must have been older than Bing - Mom has another man before Dad and it is a story for another day.

Few months after the miscarriage, Mom's belly started to grow and it'd gotten bigger and bigger.

It was then that I had my first lesson about human reproduction. Mom skipped the birds and the bees part, of course. She announced that we were expecting a baby. Mom would allow me to pat her belly and put my ears on her belly to feel the kicks. In the end of the pregnancy, Mom started to make tiny clothes, tiny pillow, tiny blankets (wraps) with collected second-hand adult clothes or blankets. She explained that those materials were soft and the best for the baby's skins. Mom knew so much about raising babies, it was amazing to me.

Yet even then I still believed that I was a child that Mom picked up from Xiang river. I thought that my brothers and I had different mothers.
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Now it comes my turn to explain to my children where they are from. I sure do not want Zhuzhu and Niuniu to think that they are from unknown mothers. I also would skip the details involving the birds and the bees, which Anne Glamore had fun to talk to her son about. My version is simple and clear: you came from my belly, I told Mia/Zhuzhu when she asked me one day. Drs. cut mommy's belly open and took you out, I told my kids.

In fact, Mia/Zhuzhu more or less has learned by becoming a big sister. She sort of knows that she used to live in mommy's belly and then she became too big to live in there and had to be taken out to continue to grow in the real world. Plus, she had many peers in her classrooms that had become bigger sisters or bigger brothers in the similar time that she did, so she slowly understood that mommies can give births. Niuniu, however, knows nothing about such stories. 

Last night, when we were all playing in a bath tub, Zhuzhu asked to see my belly scar - she asks to check it out almost every time that I get naked with her in the bath tub and I often let her. 

"Could I see the scar on your belly, Mommy?" She asked.

"Why? You saw it millions of times already." I refused. I was in a hurry to put them to bed since Niuniu was not in his best state. He was making a fuss about everything. He was ready for bed. 

"I want to see where I got out of your belly." She insisted. 

Niuniu followed his sister's lead and said without knowing what he was saying, "I want to see your belly too!" He did not know there was a scar hiding under the fat belly.

"Okay." I took the chance. I wanted to stop his fusses. So, I immediately flipped the belly fat to expose the ugly scar to them - no no, I am not obese, but still, the scar is covered by turning into a skin fold.

The bathroom suddenly became extremely quiet. Niuniu was trying to understand why I had a scar on the belly. He, after having carefully and seriously examined the scar for a little while, asked, "Why did Dr. cut you in the belly?"

He likes to ask obvious questions to which he already knew the answers!

"So that you and Mia could come out of there." I answered with obvious answer.

"Oh." Niuniu asked the obvious questions simply just for saying this lovely and signature "Oh" - he gets Mom and Dad's lovely look each and every time he says it. He says it with an extremely cute and understanding tone.

Looked at his face, I knew I need to explain a bit more, "Mommy went to the hospital and then doctors cut mommy's belly open to take you out of there."

He then looked afar as if he was trying to visualize the event of his coming out of the world. After a little while, he asked, "Why did the Dr. take me out of your belly?" 

"So that you could grow to a big boy like what you are now." I answered briefly.

He then became concerned. He fell into a deep thinking mode. He might be very worried about the fact that I was hurt by the Drs, as much as his tiny finger tip was pierced by a stapler needle - yes, he tried to staple his fingers together one day while I was not looking.

To easy his concerns, I added, "It was okay, mommy did not hurt. The Drs put mommy to sleep before that." I comforted him.

"Why the scar is so small?" Zhuzhu asked, but before I could find a proper answer, she said, "Oh, I know, I used to be a very small."

I followed her, "Yea, you used to be tiny, but you drank mommy's milk and then a lot of cow milk to grow to be such a big girl now." Zhuzhu does not like milk, I could not pass this opportunity to put some ideas to her little head.

"Did we both come out of there in the same time?" Zhuzhu asked. 

Zhuzhu is a smart kid, but this question was a bit dumb, so I laughed at it gently and said, "No, remember you came out first? You came out two years earlier than Niuniu." I reminded her this fact that she speaks about whenever Niuniu is showing off his height. He likes to pretend that he is taller than his sister. 

My story of the birds and the bees does not involve any intercourse and is much less creative than Mom's, but I love to tell it to Zhuzhu and Niuniu over and over again. And each time, they always act like it was the first time that they hear about it.

Overtired kids

Niuniu is the sweeter one between the two of our children. However, he is a bit of too sweet lately since he has been coming to our bed every single night in the middle of the night for the last few weeks. While we enjoy very much his sweet kisses and hugs, we don't really appreciate his coming to our bed, night after night. This has happened coincidently few days after I made an authoritative comment on Julia's post blaming her inability to keep her sweet 3 yo Edward away from her bed. Little did I know, kids at this age like to join their parents in the middle of the night according to Dr. Google. You can imagine how embarrassed that I have been ever since. My excuse was that at least our first child Zhuzhu did not do such a thing.

About a month ago or so, Niuniu has started to be a usual resident our master bed. He is sneaky and quiet. He wakes up and comes to us whenever his first urination urge comes, I guess. It's impressive to us how he has managed not to fall rolling down the flight of the stairs so far (knock on wood for that will never happen!!!).  It's quite a walk from his room to ours - he needs to cross the hallway, go down a flight of stairs, pass the living room and another hallway to reach our room. At the first few nights, we'd taken him to the toilet and then put him back to his own bed. We'd sacrificed few good night sleeps to prevent him from getting a bad habit of intruding our adult life. I'd even followed The Internet's instruction to put few night lights in his room as I was told these green night lights could "catch the monsters"- assuming those are what he is afraid of. However, Niuniu is smarter than that, he does not believe Mommy's story. He even has discovered if his diaper was already wet, the sleepy/lazy Mommy would not likely to bother him with the toilet trip, but more likely to leave him where he is much longer, sometimes up to  next morning. So he's decided to wet his diapers before climbing in between us in our bed after a while. Just so you know, our master room has a queen-sized bed and Niuniu is not a still sleeper, he comes in between Mommy and Daddy, then turns, tosses, kicks, squeezes, until one of the two legal residents leaves the bed. Therefore, it has become a problem.

And we decided to do something about it...

...by begging him every night before we tuck him in, "Niuniu, could you promise us not to come to Mommy and Daddy's bed tonight?" The understanding kid always smiles, nods his head, and says confidently, "No, I am not coming to your bed tonight. I'll stay in my bed, I'll, I promise" His words are loud, clear, and seeming sincere. However, he obviously did not care what the word "promise" means! One night, I put his sleeping bag beside our bed and told him if that night he came again, he would go there to sleep. So when he showed up in the middle of the night, I said pointing to the sleeping bag, "There, you sleep on the floor." He broke into extremely sad cry and I immediately caved.

So, we've let him slide thus far until last night.

Last night was a big deal, which made us realize that it's time to be firm with this little guy.

It seems like that our indulging his joining us in the middle of the night has becoming a signal for him to do whatever he wants to do. To spoil a kid does not take much, let me tell you. Sure, he had a few coughs, a bit of running nose, and a bit of fever a few days ago, which may have made things worse.

Last night, thing went extreme.

First, he threw tantrums before and at the dinner time. Then he screamed after being fed a little bit of food, finally he refused to allow anyone to put him to bed, eventually fell in asleep last my arms. However, he woke up when the Daddy was putting a diaper on him and the poor Daddy spent the next 10 minutes to put him back to sleep in his bed.

Niuniu had given us exact 2.5 hours of peace and quiet moment, which just enough for the adults - Ling, John (my ex-boyfriend), Fabrice, and I - to finish watching our Netflix rental movie and get ready for bed. Niuniu started screaming at top of his lungs at the moment that the Daddy was adjusting his watch to winter time, so our attending service was about 1 min later than usual. He cried so loud that woke up his soundly sleeping sister. Niuniu screamed louder at the time that the Daddy rushed upstairs to his room, the Daddy had no choice but taking him down to me so that he could go back to put Zhuzhu back to sleep.

Yet Niuniu was not willing to calm down in my arms either. He kicked me while continued wailing. He twisted his body to get off me as if I was some sort of monster. So I had to put him in the bed to let his anger out of the system. A few min later, the Daddy came down. Seeing Niuniu was not stopping, he bended down to call his name while gently stroking his shoulder. However, the usual soothing techniques failed to change the situation but only got Niuniu madder. Sadly not knowing what else could be done, we left the little guy alone. The 2 loving parents stared at our son crying for another 20 mins.

We did nothing but watching our son crying, for 20 minutes!

The last time Niuniu cried like this was 2 years and 8 months ago when he was about one month old. Niuniu at that time was overtired. I could not recalled what was the cause but he was doing exactly the same thing - crying at the top his lung and wanting to be left alone.

While watching our little precious crying on the top of his lungs, I realized how terrible parents we have been the whole day. We have been too greedy trying to fit all activities in one day - we overworked our little kids, hell, we even overworked our visitor, my ex-boyfriend and long-term annoying soulmate. In order to fit everything in one day, we got up early and fed the children in a rush. Then we packed them to do some hiking along the Randor Lake. Since Fabrice would need to be at his soccer game at 1:10 pm, we rushed the kids and crippled John to finish a whole loop. John did not understand the point of rushing through the beautiful forest with colorful leaves - it's indeed the best time to enjoy Fall leaves. We rushed to the soccer field at 1:40 pm only to be told that the other team did not show up on time and the game was rescheduled to 3:30 pm. Perfect, we not only did not miss the beginning half of the game, now we even could let the kids take their naps in the car on the way back home during our waiting time.

However, the kids decided that's the day to skip naps.

Skipping nap is not the only reason for Niuniu's annoyance, I guess. The rough play that Sango, a 10-tear old son of a soccer player in the Fabrice's team, put upon him can be another. Sango and Niuniu often play rough like typical boys. But yesterday was not the same. Since the field was much larger than usual ground and the mommies believed it was safe for the kids to run free. We were fully engaged in the heated soccer game for the entire time - the winner of the match would be qualified for the tournament and both teams played at their full strength. I "watched" Niuniu from the corner of my eyes and saw that he was laughing and running after Sango and his football. They did also a lot of flipping on the grass. Those activities following a hiking morning, picnicking lunch, and nap-free afternoon, Niuniu must have overworked.

Our little guy's solution to his exhaustion which prevented him from getting out of hid bed, traveling through the hallways, stairs, and rooms to our bed was screaming in the middle of the night.

Finally, the tiger mother in me forced him into my arms and asked him to listen to me: I told him in Chinese that the wolf outside in the woods would be awake by his howling. I said to him that he'd better hide under the Mommy's arms st that the wolf would not find him. Boy oh boy, I feel guilty just typing these down - he immediately stopped wailing and slid inside the comforter, quietly allowed me to stroke his back gently. It did not take longer than a minute, the little guy turned back to that familiar sweetie and felt into deep sleep.

I do scare my children in situations like this. I usually use either wolf or policeman and they are equally scary to little kids in this household.

P.S. Niuniu did not come downstairs after we sent him back to his bed last night. He also did not show up in our bed the night after. Knock on woods he stops coming from now on.   

Life as a single parent

As I said before, Fabrice travels more frequent than I do.  Strangely though, I always can get more work done while he is not home.  Kids are usually fed well and tucked in bed on time, dishes are mostly washed and put back to shelves, toys are often put away, even floors are sometimes cleaned.  I usually even can sit in front of the computer either working or reading blogs for at least few hours a day after putting the kids to bed… I completely enjoy the times that I, myself, as a single parent with the two toddler kids.  See, I am now enjoying my alone time talking to myself here.

Last time when I noticed my better productivities when left alone with the kids, I told Fabrice, right after he was walking into the house to kiss each of us.  And then I closed my "exciting observations" by, “I wish you did not come back so soon!”  I know, I am just that smart, most of the times!!!

"You cheat!"  he knows me well and usually ignores my saying things without understanding the implications.

Fabrice meant that I always have Ling, my best friend and acting nanny, here in the house to play with the kids when he is out of town.  The truth is though, Ling spoils the kids to rotten, which means that I feel like having 2 kids and 1 grandma in the house whenever she is around!

Okay, back to the "single parenting" subject.  I cannot explain why it always seems easier when I am alone dealing with the little ones.  The kids seem to be smart enough to sense the dangers of being with a crouching tiger if they don't behave.  Maybe because Fabrice is the preferred one and the "go to" parent, whereas I am the one who often sets the "rules".  One day when he was enjoying his kids' salivary kisses, I complained about the obvious, “The kids love you more because you are the fun parent, whereas I am the one who cooks, feeds, and disciplines them.”  “Oh, yea, why don’t you try to  squeeze them less but play with them more.” he disagreed, as predicted.  He knew all the answers to solve problems, you see.  He would give me pointers whenever he sees me at loss for tricks to get them to kiss or hug me, "Follow their lead, play their games, not yours.  You will get the kisses and hugs at the end."  "You abuse them all the time with your rough beard hurting their little cheeks!"  I cannot see his point at all and continue to kiss them and hug them whenever I get a chance.  

Maybe that is exactly why I enjoy his out-of-town trips, because only then the kids are closer and listening to me.  They have behaved like angels in the last couple of days. 

Zhuzhu and Niuniu have enjoyed being picked up early on Friday visiting the Dr's office, a field day at the Chinese School on Saturday cerebrating mid-fall Festival (moon Festival/中秋节), Chinese restaurant following the Chinese school for lunch, and then swimming pool following the lunch - A very busy weekend, so far. 

Sure, Ling has been helping out by taking Niuniu to a park to feed the ducks after dropping off Zhuzhu to her Chinese school on Saturday morning.  But I could have done the same except I chose to spend my Saturday morning in my office.  I did feel a little guilty when I found out that I had missed Zhuzhu's first competitive game on Saturday though - I had not known that her Chinese School had this special event planned!  Zhuzhu had her first "rope pulling contest" at which her team won.  Ling only found out when she picked her up after her class.  Fortunately, she took Niuniu there thus the three of them had a good time.  She was so excited that she could not shut up when I greeted her at the Chinese restaurant.  "Mommy, Mommy, we won, we won!..."  Zhuzhu and Niuniu both were talking in the same time, waving some a colorful plastic inflatable toys, which confused me quite a bit.  I did not remember that they had those toys.  Finally, when I asked them to take turns to give me their detailed reports, I understood that Zhuzhu's red cheeks and hurting hands were the result of the rope pulling on their field day, at which her team won.  The yellow tiger was her first trophy, she finally had a chance to declare her first victory!  Niuniu did not want to be left out, "And I got a trophy too!"  He waved his blue elephant in front of my yes in circles.  Niuniu was being her good “cheer leader”, I was told.

Given what I had missed yesterday, I ditched the original plan this morning after getting up - I was going to get to work while Ling was watching the kids in the morning for me again.  Instead of working, I parked the car at the Dragon Park close to my office.  I decided to enjoy sometime with the kids.  We had so much funs, both of them were running circles to get up and down the slides or chasing each others' tails like crazy.  Then Ling surprised us with home-made Baozi and Mantou so we had our family picnic at the park!  Best of all, Ling took over the babysit duties in the afternoon so that I could at least catch up with the loss of my "working" hours.  But I napped instead!  Indeed cheated!

Ling brought the kids home at 4 pm.  Each of them was awarded with 1 pillow pet.  Then Ling said, "I think they will give you some hard time tonight!  Her reason was because they have not had their naps today, "They only slept on their car ride home, which would be about 20 minutes."  She reported in details as usual.

Then the kids waved goodbye to Ling happily and then played by themselves for the rest of the evening joyously.  I had also quite a peaceful house to cook dinner and then to watch them eating properly at the dinner table.  They both finished the food that I put in their plates without making any fuss.  My angelic kids even willingly helped the Mommy pick up their toys before bed.  A great day did not end there.  When I was putting the kids to the bathtub, I heard this little lovely voice, “Mommy, you are the best Mommy in the whole world and I love you!”.  This, my friend, was coming out of our Zhuzhu's mouth naturally and spontaneously.  Niuniu who never wants to be left out pirated his sister immediately.  I was them completely immersed in their showers of wet kisses and tight hugs!

A single parent can be rewarding sometimes!

Stressd kids

Separation anxiety comes in different forms.  Little kids have also a stressful life, as much as our adults do, I believe.

Mia/ZhuZhu has always been difficult at drop off for school, especially when she is transitioned to a new classroom.  However, this past transition was painless, meaning, no crying involved.  In fact, she'd been looking forward to the move into the "Shooting Star" room ever since few of her classmates had done so in the early summer.  She wanted to be big girls like them but she and the rest of the gang in her preschooler room had been scheduled few months later.  Shooting star classroom is the only preK classroom in her daycare and everyone in preschooler roomthe whole daycare eventually gets in and then graduates from it to "big kids" schools.  Either she could move into the same room with everyone she knew together or her teachers prepared her very well this time, we have not had difficulty to drop her in the morning.

Not only she does not cry anymore at drop offs, we could even play "threatening card" for a while.  If she happens to cry for whatever reasons before and during the dinner, which is the time she usually releases her frustration of the day, all we need to do is to tell her if she does not stop, she will go back to "the explorer" room. 

However, nothing is perfect.  She wets herself now.  It has happened 4-5 times at school and 2-3 times at home already ever since she changed her classroom.  We know that our girl likes to hold her pee to the last minute because she does not like to stop whatever she was doing.  One evening when I was taking her down from booster chair after dinner, I found her soaking in her own pee.  The worst was that she did not even realize or she chose to ignore the fact.  This surprised me enough to link the other events in the school lately.  She had her first accident second/or third week at school after she moved up.  Well, that must just be the new classroom was so exciting that she was too involved in the new stuff she learned.

"You know, Mama, we have 5 senses, brain to think, eyes to see, nose to smell, hands to touch, and ears to hear."  One day, she announced at the dinner table, where the family is usually gathered. "You know, brain is the most important organ of the body, and it does different things with different parts.  We use the front part to think and to learn new things, the back part to see, the side part to remember things, hearing things, and speech." She told us again during her dinner. "Wow, did you learn that today at school?"  I was totally impressed.  She has also brought home the most colorful and beautiful paintings ever since she moved to the shooting star room.  And we now often hear her humming new songs almost every single day.  "Puff the magic dragon"  "This old man, he played one..."  She could even finish the whole song with correct lyrics, alright, I admit, I do not know the lyrics of the song, but she sounded correctly to me...

Well, at about a week after the first accident, she had another one.  She had to come home with boy's t-shirt and panties, because we had not even had the chance to filled her cubby with new set of extra clothes.  We then went to request the teachers to remind her to go potty.  The shooting star room teachers are not used to doing so.  So, the head teacher was a bit surprised when she got that request from me.

Anyway, that worked only a week or two.  Then yesterday at pickup, I found her wet herself again.  She became sneaky because the teachers did not even know.  Oddly enough, Zhuzhu did not seem to notice either!  It was then that I realized that this girl needed a serious talk.  I sat her down after dinner, turned the TV off, and asked her to look into my eyes.  I stressed how important it was for not holding her pee to the last minute.  However, she could not care less and moved her eyes away before I could even finish my first sentence.  After that, we went to have a shower.  Suddenly, she was screaming.  "Mommy, you used soap, that hurts! You knew it.  I want Daddy, Daddy does not hurt me.  He uses baby shower gel."  The Daddy, who has gone to San Diego for a conference yesterday.  "Mommy, you are a mean Mommy.  I will never ever let you kiss me again."  She protested.  The effect of her scream was so profound that even woke me up in the middle of the night, twice!

So, I called her doctor first thing in the morning.  I wanted her to hear the important life lesson from an authority.  I suspected that her urinary track was not infected, but it's better to have her checked just in case.  When we arrived at 10:45 am, the check in machine did not allow us to proceed because the appointment time was 2:45 pm! The receptionist however was smarter than the machine and she made few moves and let us in to see another doctor who happened to have a slot at that time. However, since I was so overwhelmed by her peeing without knowing, I made her pee while we wait for her names to be called. When the nurse came to get us, she handed me a cup. Crap. I just made her pee, now what could we do? I asked the nurse and she gave us a bottle of water. Alright, we had to go back to the waiting room. ZhuZhu knew the mommy did not have a whole day, few minutes or so later she agreed to give it another try and she succeeded to squeeze 5 mls out. When we finally met the doctor, he talked to ZhuZhu, attentively. Then he said, "Now I need to check your private part, your mommy is right here, and not to worry, ok?" Our dear daughter screemed a babyzis out of her when I had the same request, but when I came from a handsome young man, she was willingly opened wide for him. Can you imagine how you feel in situations like that? While he was examing her gently, slowly, and carefully, I was making a mental note to make sure next time when she would be suspected urinary infection, ask for femal. "Her private part is not even reddish and her pee is clear and free of bacteria. No sign of urinary track infection. She may have a bit of irratation at the private part." The lucky young doctor said to me. "We'll do the "hygiene talk" with her in a little bit." He read my mind! I thanked him excessively for the life lesson that he was willing to give her. He even demonstrated when he said, "When you sit on the toilet, open your legs wide so that you won't wet yourself." ZhuZhu pratically was staring at him while he was talking, "Drink plenty water; go to pee when you feel just a little bit in need; pat-dry your 'queque' each time after pee pee, because if you don't dry, your queque will be wet and it will get itchy..." "What did the doctor say?" I asked her while we were left alone. She repeated every word of it! The $20 copay and my few hours away from my work was well worth it!

However, right after dinner, I found ZhuZhu's panties again was a bit wet. I had basically never stopped  asking her to go to pee ever since she got home from school. Our little girl is still stressed upon classroom transition, except she handles it differently this time.

I am guessing it will be another 4 months to get over this. Talk about stress!

Another face of parenting

Today, I have not been myself at all. First, I could not get out of the bed until 10 am, but I had not slept in all that well either, I had kept waking up by my own snores a whole night long and then by the exciting kids when morning arrived! When I finally gave up the idea of sleeping in and got out the bed, I found myself suffered from a mild but annoying headache. As if that was not bad enough, Fabrice told me that it would be good if we could feed the kids earlier so that they could go to the swimming pool and not for him to miss his beloved Sunday football later in the afternoon. In this case, my breakfast was just a cup of milk and then I started to prepare the lunch, which was great lunch, by the way, giving how little time I was given. It is Sunday and it usually is the only day of the week that I cook properly. I had fried some Tofu and mixed it with stir-fried chicken breast, which was delicately marinated a day ago. The kids must have loved it greatly because I did not see the color of the Tofu after I put it on then table. After that, I was wondering how could that be possible, it never happened before! Suddenly, I found this lo, I thought to myself, when I finally sat down to eat. However, after lunch while I was cleaning the counter top, I found a half of the Tofu curd sitting beside the stove, I simply forgot to fry the second half of it. Then, I had planed to get some work, such as writing the dreaded research grant, done during the time when the kids were swimming, but when I was sitting in front of the computer in the office, all I wanted to do was to take a long nap...

When they got home from the pool, Fabrice said to me, the kids were exhausted and should be napping quickly. Yes, when I saw ZhuZhu was not willing to keep her head from the Daddy's shoulder, I thought, "Good, I would have the remaining afternoon all by myself!" Unfortunately, ZhuZhu discovered her newly arrived tap shoes and bellet shoes, that was the end of the nap. After Fabrice left for his football, the kids took my iPad and played with it. One game after another, they did not have any intention to stop anytime soon.

I am usually a great mother, the kind that kids hate, because I don't have any flexibility when it comes to parenting. When it is bed time, the kids go to bed, period! However, today is not the day. All I wanted to do was to take a nap myself. So, instead getting them to their respective rooms, I told them, "Could you two take the iPad upstairs, staying in Remy's bed, okay!" "Okay!" ZhuZhu cheerfully answered, surprised, but happy. Off they went. I was hoping that NiuNiu fell in asleep as soon as he hit the bed, as he usually does. That would leave ZhuZhu alone with the boring iPad, so she would follow her little brother's lead and fall into sleep. Good deal, all of us would wake up happy two hours later when the daddy came home! The bedroom was quiet down and my dream came true, I thought and fell in hibernated state immediately.
Well, I guess I just forgot what a "overtired" state was in little kids. They have their ways fighting for sleepiness now, at 2.5 and 4.5 years old. They simply never stopped playing, as far as I knew. I was half way sleeping since I needed to keep my other half of the brain to make sure they would not hurt themselves or escape from the house to hit the cars on the streets.

At around 4 pm, a little voice was calling me while I was dreaming, "Mommy, Remy pooped all over the toilet seat and himself. I've just cleaned it all up." "What exactly happened?" I opened my eyes and jumped out of the bad. ZhuZhu repeated what she said and before she could finish, I was almost fainted by the smell over the house! I then woke up completely and started to investigate the seriousness of the situation. Nothing on the toilet, good. But where the smell came from, I puzzled. "Where is the poop?" I asked ZhuZhu, "In the toilet and on the seat, but I cleaned it all up." ZhuZhu told me, proudly. "With what?" "The wet paper" She said, "I put them in the trash." She then described in details what exactly she did. I was almost in tears after her story. Taking naps on Sunday noons is not uncommon for me, but I usually wait until the kids went to their beds first. Today was the first time that I napped while they were still awake playing, look what just happened! According to ZhuZhu, she helped NiuNiu to come downstairs to use the toilet when he said that he needed to go. But they were not fast enough so he pooped all over the places.

Based on the overwhelming smell, I did not believe she cleaned "all up". Somewhere must still have some poops uncovered and unflushed. However, I could not find any poop anywhere. I opened the lid of the trash can and found full of the soiled wipers. Alright, the smell must have come from these wipers. I thought. When I closed the lid back, I noticed a pair of pants hiding behind, there it was, the soiled pair of pants of NiuNiu. It was unbearably smelly. Our little boy had diarrhea, no wonder. Yet after I dealt it cleanly, the smell still existed. Finally, I decided to track the smell down. What I found was a perfect drop of poop in the middle of NiiNiu's room. What the hell? How come this one was perfectly dry and smooth, did not seem to be "diarrhea-ry"? Alright, that must have been it. I picked it up and flushed it down to the toilet upstairs (Yes, we do have toilet upstairs, but the kids only like to use the one downstairs!) In the mean time, I found NiuNiu's bed was wet and I cleaned that too, thinking the smell would take a while to go away.

Then I came down and checked NiuNiu and the poor little sweetie's legs were covered by his disgusting waste. Just so you know, the worst thing associating with babies to me is poop and that was why both of them are diaper-trained early. Today, I am just out of luck. NiuNiu chose today to poop all over himself and the house, when I was napping and the daddy was out playing!

While I was cleaning NiuNiu in the shower, Fabrice came back from his football and was totally amused by what he found out. ZhuZhu updated him everything in details and I briefed him the nap part and he did not even have time to give me lessons about safety as he usually does. The it was NiuNiu's turn to talk, "I pooped on myself and Mommy is cleanning me up!" He reported. He likes to report the obvious, similar to someone I know very well in this household.
The story did not end here. After dinner, I was thinking to get the kids to bed early since they skipped the nap, so I went upstairs to put the bedding on NiuNiu's bed. While I was walking upstairs, I was surprised that the smell did not go away and it was stronger than I remembered. The diffusion just did not work?! I then began to open the windows in every room. Strangely, when I got closer to ZhuZhu's room, the smell became too strong to endure, I guessed there must have been more poops which I had failed to find earlier. I looked, looked, and looked, all over the stairs, corridor, a small room between NiuNiu and ZhuZhu's room, no poops. ZhuZhu's room was the last place that I searched since I knew they did not play in her room. Plus, the poop I found earlier was in NiuNiu's room, it was meters away from it!

Well, my nose said something was not right, I began to search ZhuZhu's room. I checked everywhere, the bed, every stuffed animal, her closet...nothing. I became even more suspicious, what was going on? I was about to give up to get back down, our little sweet pie NiuNiu was coming up the flight of stairs. While he was climbing, his pressed down his nose with his little fingers. The smell was not that strong there, what did he knew, I thought. Then turned back to ZhuZhu's room, to my dismay, two big poop poop were perfectly lied inside the long silver trash bin that we put in ZhuZhu's room, more as a decoration than as a trash container, and it does not have a lid.
There you have it, what a poopy day that I had!

Egocentric or Altruistic - a challenge to overberring parents

Zhuzhu does not look like someone who is afraid of anything in life.  She speaks, laughs, cries, jumps up and down wherever and whenever she feels like doing AT HOME.  However, she is a completely different person outside.  As long as someone says hi to her, she freezes, hides, or turns her head to another way from the voices.  She acts embarrassingly "impolite" as if she had never been taught any magic words.  It goes without saying that she doesn't greet anyone, not even her teachers if they are out of their respective classrooms.  Even at dropoff everyday, she would pretend that she does not know her teacher.  She acts like those teachers are no longer worthy of knowing if they are not within their territory.  I usually just tell people that she is too shy, which is followed by my repeating the same thing, over and over again, "Mia, you would have really made XYZ happy if you had said thank you when she told you that she liked your dress." "But Mama, my mouth was busy, I was talking to you." "But Mama, I could not do it because she was already gone!" "But Mama, I did not hear her."  She never fails to identify a "reasonable" cause that has nothing to do with her. 

The Saturday prior to the last, we took Zhuzhu to the Zoo for Kakiko's birthday party.  Kakiko is the daughter of a colleague and 8 months older than Zhuzhu.  These two girls often see each other at swimming pool on Saturday mornings.  Contrasting to Zhuzhu, Kakiko is the kind of girl who greets and plays with everyone at any place (I know, I would have worried about it too, if Zhuzhu was like her!)   She has made Zhuzhu her friend pretty quickly after the first few times they met about two years ago.  I had not expected that Zhuzhu would have freaked out in her frined Kakiko's birthday party.

But she did, as she had done in every other times previously when I took her to her other friends' birthday parties.

When we arrived the Jungle room where the private party was held in the Zoo, every one already sat in a circle listening to the animal stories quietly, watching and touching the lovely a yellow snake.  Zhuzhu who usually loves to pet little animals refused to join the group.  She would not touch the lovely opossum either when the little guy was shown to her later.  Kakiko tried few times to ask her to join the group of kids later in the fun games.  Zhuzhu was frozen the whole time while we were in the Jungle room, hiding behind the Daddy peeking her 2 yo little brother Niuniu running, laughing, and chasing bigger girls' tails.  When I pushed Zhuzhu to join her own age-matched crowd, she said, "But Mama, I don't know how.  I prefer to stay here with you and Daddy."  "Why don't you go and play with me."  She told me that when I asked her to join them again.  I had to give it up.  We stood there and watched together with her, for oh, the whole hour?!  After the birthday cake, we got out and started a 20-minute guided safari, she then began to believe that those 5 year olds would not eat her alive.  She showed slight willingness to interact but remained to be distant from everyone.  Just when I was about to give up everything and ready to take her home, she suddenly discovered that she knew who the Kakiko was and proceeded quickly to hold Kakiko's hand as soon as other kids waved bye-bye to Kakiko.  The two of them made up and had a lot of fun riding the Wild Animal Carousel and jumping, running, and chasing each other like crazy on the Jungle Gym together.

Did Zhuzhu not like to be treated as a number?  Did she simply demand the full attention of Kakiko?  Or she was just simply too shy?

It took almost two hours for Zhuzhu to warm up and she waited until everyone else left the scene.

On the contrary, her little brother Niuniu has always blended right into all sorts of funs without fear.  He does not waste a single minute to have fun and he does not even mind everyone else in any type of groups is older or younger than him.  

Have you ever wondered from where your little ones get their characters?  Zhuzhu and Niuniu should possess almost identical genetic makeups - they are practically twins, except that Niuniu had been kept frozen when he was a two-cell embryo for two years before being broght to life! 

From my "twin" brother and sister, I feel hard to believe anybody's personality is formed through parents' or environmental/educational influences.  Kids are born with their own distinctive traits. Believe me, we cannot and should not take too many credits nor blames for what our little ones dos and donts.

Relax, parents!

Birth story II

At the time that I became pregnant for the second time (or third time), I was relatively more relaxed and confident. I was able to sleep better than the last time. Given this, I started to make a perfect birth plan at the end of the baby incubation process. I wanted do-over natural birth. I even had chiropractic care to have the baby turned from breech to head down position so that I could give birth all by myself. Since my pragmatic husband did not seem to be the fan of any birth plan, I started to look into hiring my own supporter - a doula. After few interviews, I ditched the idea since I realized what I truly wanted was my mother. Yet I could not have her since she had rested in heaven for many years now. So, eventually I settled down and compromised to have my father, who came here a month ago from China to wait for the birth of his grandson, to be the supporter.

At 9 pm on January 29th of 2009, while emptying my bladder, I found that I could not wipe off the residue urine, it kept coming! It was sticky! It was transparent! And it was VERY STICKY! What the hell was that? I shouted loud to my hubby Fabrice who was getting ready to bed. As expected, he could not care less since this is the man who would not show any emotions unless someone just died here. "Could I be losing the mucus plug?" I suspected. A half of a roll of toilet paper later, I was still trying to clean off these transparent and sticky streaks of secretion. After continued failing, I decided to clean it with hot water shower. Yet after the shower, the liquid still kept coming and I could not stop it. Now I had no doubt that my water was leaking, again, just like the last time! Since I experienced the exact same thing about 2 years ago and I was determined to stick with my perfect birth plan, I was calm. Then I walked to the bed to report Fabrice this news. It was 5 days prior to my son's due day. Knowing how much I wanted a natural birth, he agreed to my "wait and see" strategy. It was not a big flow anyways. So, I went to bed at 11:30 pm with a thick period pad. At 3:00 am, I was woken up by a gush of liquid coming out of my vagina, I was then at high state of mind and could not go back to sleep any more. I got out of the bed to avoid further loss of the precious water. I was not willing to inform the hospital to avoid repeating the last birth story. To pass time, I turned on the computer and started to read birth stories of other women about their wonderful and jealous-inducing VBACs (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean). In between those stories, I also tried to get some work done since there were few deadlines to meet, such as some paper reviews. At 6 am, ZhuZhu woke up and I told her that daddy would drop her to the daycare today. Mommy would need to stay home. She was understandably nodding her head as if she knew that Mommy would have a big day ahead!

However, contractions did not develop into regular ones quickly. I was disappointed. I absolutely did not want to be induced again like the last time. I then went out to have a walk. At the front patio, I found my father doing his morning exercise. He was surprised to see me in PJ. "Why aren't you going to work today?" he asked. I said flat out but calmly, "Because the baby is coming." He was not prepared for this news, "Oh, are you okay? Are you in any pain? No, how do you know the baby is coming? Why aren't you go to the hospital? Is Fabrice coming right back after dropping off Mia to take you to the hospital?..." He was now completely overwhelmed by the possibility that the baby could just drop out to the floor any minute. "It will take a while for his coming and I will keep close attention to his movements. No worries!" I tried to calm him and myself down. "I am going to have a walk, would you come with me?!" I asked him. He happily followed my lead and the two of us walked, miles after miles. What I did not tell him was that my water already broke and I was secretly counting the frequency of my slight contractions. One hour passed, no labor; 2 hours passed, still no sign of labor...

At 11:30 am, Fabrice came back from work and said it's time to check me in. I said, "They will again just induce the labor." I refused to go with him. Looking into my eyes, he knew that I would not change my mind. "You should at least call the ob's office" He said. I then made the important phone call. "What, your water broke 15 hours ago?" The receiving nurse this time did not seem to doubt my judgement and she asked me to come to the office immediately!

At 2:30 pm, Tammy, the very nice RN who I had seen twice recently at weekly check ups confirmed the water was broke. I was admitted into the Labor and Delivery directly.

In the hospital birthing room, I was monitored with the blood pressure, baby’s heart beating rate, and contraction status. As I suspected, no regular pattern of contractions, still. Out of desperation, I started to perform the acupressure that I learnt from Dr. Google to induce labor, but no help. My ob, Dr. S, then suggested not to prolong it any longer. "We would use tiny amount of pitocin to initiate the active labor," he said. Seeing me with no intention to accept his generous offer, he added,“The water had been broke for quite some time now, we really need to take some action to prevent complications.” But somehow he did not rush me into this. At 7:30 pm, I was starving and had some cake that my best friend Ling brought me behind the nurse's back. Ling was on the way to replace Fabrice who was then at home feeding ZhuZhu. She also came to bring back some news to my father who was anxiously waiting at home.

Being the sane one between the two of us, Fabrice asked me not to insist on the “natural” plan. At 10:30 pm, I finally caved in. By then, I had a new nurse Helen and new ob Dr. R. "Why have not I met you before?" I asked Dr. R while Helen was injecting and adjusting the dose of pitocin. (The tone of mine must have been accusatory. In order not feeling like strangers to each other, every pregnant woman is given the chance to meet every ob in my ob/gyn's office in a rotating manner at end of the pregnancy. Since my ob/gyn's office has 5~6 obs who take turns to be at the hospital to deliver babies each day.) Dr. R seemed to be very attentive and understanding, which was the opposite of my own ob Dr. S who delivered ZhuZhu and he definitely scared me! "Oh, maybe I am scheduled to see you at this week's check up?" He answered dutifully. "I only came here about a month ago from K state." He added. True, it was still 4 days prior to my due day and I could have just happened to have missed my last check up to meet Dr. R. before the baby decided to kick my water bag wall! Nurse Helen then told me that she would stop the pitocin once a regular contraction pattern was established and my body would take over at that point to produce oxytocin. At 12:30 am, the contractions started to become regular, like once in every 5 min. The pitocin was started at 1 mU/15 min – meaning every 15 min, it was increased 1 mU. At 7 mU, 1 hour and 45 min from the start of induction, my contraction still did not reach the goal of every 2~3 min/contraction so they kept pumping more pitocin into my system...

The rest of the birth story became fuzzy since the contractions started to hurt like hell before I even reached 4 cm dilation. I was fighting but failed. I begged for epidural so that I would not have to cry in front of people. Following the epidural, both Fabrice and I fell into deep sleep and by the time I remembered that I had a birth to give, it was like noon next day! What, what just happened? Was the baby in the womb even alive?! I did not remember seeing anyone other than Fabrice sleeping beside me.

At 4 pm or so, I began to believe that VBAC was not the best for the baby. The longer I waited, the more drugs they would pump into me and the baby. I said to Dr. R at his last check up, "Could you please tell me that a Cesarean is not that scary" He said, "No, it's not that bad." Obviously he knew I was ready to let the dream of a natural birth go. He then told me that my contractions were good and the baby seemed to be doing alright, but my cervix refused to open further than 4 cm! He did not believe another 2 hours would make any progress. "But one never knows" he said. At that point, I found myself became anxious to meet our dear son. "Okay, let's get him out now!" I willingly announced. I could feel the whole room suddenly lightened up by all the smiling faces of Fabrice, the nurse, Dr. R, even two anesthesiologists who magically showed up. As I really liked Dr. R and I did not intend to wait for the next random ob to deliver our son. We then went over the details of C-section and I made Dr. R and the anesthesiologists promise me no gaging and no stapling this time.

There, I was sent to OR and a brief Ceasarean was performed smoothly. Either they had been exceptionally good or overdosed me, I had no memory about the C-section part. Although months after that we met the attentive anesthesiologist at cafeteria and Fabrice was thanking him, which kind of reminded me he was standing by me the whole time and watched and monitored the whole process patiently...

The only thing that I did remember was what came from the mouth of the proud father, "I think we have gotten ourselves a very smart little fellow!" Somehow Remy was born with his eyes open and even made an eye contact with his Daddy already right after birth. Fabrice, the man who had never bragged about any of his achievements in life made this statement on the very day of Remy's birth. Seeing my jaw was dropping, he added, "Trust me, his eyes can talk!"

Do you think nurse Helen pumpped some of that pitocin into the Daddy by accident?

“Done! Our baby boy was born on January 31st at 5:46 pm by C-section, following 24h of unsuccessful contractions. The mommy has been great and is in a good shape as well as the baby. He is quite big, 9 pounds and 89 ounces, 54 cm, and full of hair. That's a man already...Nobody cares about the daddy on this occasion but I'm doing quite well too, thanks you..." Fabrice's email was out few minutes after.

After meeting Remy, I realized that he could have never made it out naturally anyways. He has a head size of an earth - he was practically a head with 4 tiny limbs and there was no way that head of him could have passed my petite pelvic opening!

My do-over birth story repeated the last one almost identically, except that I was not sad nor disappointed about c-section this time around. In fact, I wish I had made a Cesarean birth plan at begin with, which would have saved so much trouble and my NiuNiu would have not been drugged by the pitocin and excess epidural!