Friday, November 7, 2008

Now what?!

“Now what?”

Fabrice asked me on the day after our daughter was born.

“I don’t know.”

I answered with a mix of emotions.  I could not dissect which was dominant, happy, depressed, doubtful, or lost?!  Lost, maybe.  Apart from not knowing how to take care of an infant that I'd dreamt of having ever since I was a little girl, I was also lost for not knowing about my future.

Julie had said life has forever changed since the moment that her older son, Charlie, was born.  Agree, it is a great transition from a free single to duty-bound parent.  It just has not come clear to me yet what it will change into.

With the help of the computer and blogging life, I may find out.

I am a happy scientist.  I was born in China 45 years ago.  I had many dreams as to what I had wished to be in the future when I was a little girl.  One after another, those dreams have become the reality.  I mean in the mean time of being one of the happiest persons in the world, I am also kind of feeling lost about what lies in the future, which makes me even slightly depressed.  Do you also have similar feelings when you are living in a happy yet predictable life?

Soul searching...

What else in life I want?  I got love, family, a job/career, even a daughter now!

Something(s) is missing, still...

Ah yes, passion, which comes only rarely in life!

Don’t get me wrong, I love my family with passion, I love my husband, new daughter, friends, colleagues, people around me and even people who blog in the Internet that I have never met with passion.  I also love my job with passion.

However, all these passions are embedded in my daily life and not so extraordinary…

Now what, indeed!
Edit: I wrote this years ago when I was possibly having a mild form of postpartum depression.

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